Mahamauna

The Paradox of Modern Life: Why Happiness Still Feels Out of Reach

Why is everyone so unhappy? With all the technology we have, with all the  affluence, it’s easy to find jobs, easy to make money, easier than it’s ever been. At no point in human history is there so much and everyone’s still so miserable. And as soon as they get the job they want, as soon as they get the object they want, then it’s the next thing and then they’re miserable and then it’s the next thing again. I think it’s really clear why this happens.

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Chasing Joy Through Objects: The Endless Cycle

People put their happiness into objects. They project it. And what does that mean? It means that they look for their happiness in objects because they assume that that’s where their happiness is. And if they can get the next job, the next relationship, the next phone, the next  car, THEN they think they will find it. 

This is why car companies put out a new car every year. This keeps that cycle going. But it’s not their fault. What we do is we  assume that the car is going to make us happy. So let’s use a good example. There’s a new iPhone every year. There’s a new Android Pixel phone every year. There’s a new whatever phone every year. All the models come out with a new one, sometimes a couple times a year.  When  you think you need that phone, you’re sitting and waiting and it’s all you can think about.  You  imagine having it and spend energy dreaming about how your life’s going to be better when you get that phone. 

Then our experience is that the phone comes out, the box comes to the door, and we’re all excited. We get it, we open it,  and actually you do feel happy in that moment. Then you play with the phone and you’re assuming this whole time that the phone is making you happy. And let’s acknowledge there is real happiness in that moment–it’s real. But you keep assuming that it’s the phone now  that is making you happy. But after a few days, maybe a few weeks, that happiness definitely goes down. It keeps decreasing over time. And after a couple of months, that new phone becomes the old phone. And now you’re searching the news – when does the next phone come out?  Have they released the date for the next one? Have they announced features? And then the whole cycle happens again. And this doesn’t just happen with phones. It happens with everything. But even if we just stick with the phone and the idea that the phone made us happy, why did the happiness decrease? If the phone was the source of happiness, if that were true on the face of it, happiness wouldn’t go down. You have been in possession of the phone the whole time. You would never need a new phone if the phone made you happy, but that happiness always decreases. So in reality, and this is the key, the phone never made you happy. 

The Decreasing Returns of Object-Based Happiness

In the moment that you get the phone for a brief period of time, your desire  went from very high to low. Your desire has bottomed out because you feel fulfilled.  You’ve got the object of your desire. So  you let go of the desire and then you experience happiness. And that happiness, which is your natural  state when there is no desire present, you then project onto the outside world, in this case the phone. This pattern gets repeated over and over again. 

I think it’s worth repeating and maybe singing a little bit of a different way. The object never made you happy. It was the moment that you had the thing that you let go of desire quite naturally, because you told yourself the story that this thing has now made me happy. You simultaneously let go of desire and then continued projection of happiness onto the thing, where happiness is not. Because of this projection, the desire always eventually creeps back in. And if you were to just  see that the happiness was never there,  that it was inside waiting the entire time for you to stop veiling it with desire and stop projecting it onto the things, then you would just remain happy. There would be no up and down. And so practically what can you do with this information? 

Breaking the Cycle: Seeing the Source of True Happiness

First thing is you don’t have to give up things. The world is filled with spiritual seekers giving up things while still filled to the brim with desire. Instead, you can just start to notice when your mind does this. What things does it project happiness onto? For many people, phones aren’t important, so maybe this example doesn’t resonate with you. But it can be any object,  or we can just call it a noun– any person, place, thing, object, or idea. Anything that you can think or believe exists is a potential projection. So for many people, it’s a relationship. They think, “Oh, if I just had a new relationship, then I would be happy.” And it’s the same pattern as with the phone. After you get a new relationship, the honeymoon’s always over after a couple of months, and satisfaction goes down. Many people then think “fixing it” will make them happy while others start thinking about the next relationship, which will hopefully be ideal.  

The same thing happens with situations. Someone may think: I need to move to new place. I need to move to a new city. I need to get a new job. I must have a new situation. And you get in this situation and satisfaction always goes down–every time. So these are all objects in our consciousness that we project our happiness onto even though the happiness is never in those things. 

So whenever I talk to people and explain this, even when they really slow down and get it, just knowing this does not provide immediate gratification. It’s not an immediate like you can get it, understand it, and move on because you have to practice with this. And the only thing you have to accept wholeheartedly, and  maybe you can call this faith or a belief for now, is that happiness is never an object or in an object. That’s it. And if you can really just practice with that and start observing where you project your happiness onto things, then it’s going to change  your orientation to the world completely. 

Recognizing the Patterns That Block Your Joy

Practically speaking, what do we do with this information in our daily lives? There will be things coming in and out of your consciousness constantly: new opportunities, new ideas, new situations, new people. At the very earliest stages you make the commitment that you’re going to watch your mind to see exactly the moment that it decides that this opportunity, this idea, this situation, this person, this thing that’s come into my consciousness is finally going to make me happy. You just notice it. You don’t have to do anything with it. You just notice when the idea arises and what it clings to. This is how  you start to see your own patterns and see the things that you think are going to finally BE THE ONE. This is going to be the thing that finally makes me happy! 

And please know you will do it.  Everyone does it and we can’t help it. The mind just  automatically clings or pushes away as things pop up. So you just notice and that’s all it takes it first. And then you notice that as soon as you have this awareness of it, your decision making (if we can call it that) becomes completely different because there’s no longer a heaviness.  So for example, a normal thing that happens may be your lease is going to expire or your job contract is ending. There are going to be things that change and there are going to be new situations. Without the heaviness of putting your complete happiness into those things, your ability to move between opportunities or around situations and make decisions becomes completely different than it was before. There’s a lot less weight around it. So if getting a new phone doesn’t have a strong reaction inside you, but a job,  an house, or a relationship does, then those objects in consciousness will change according to your projection. 

How Letting Go of Projection Transforms Relationships

If you’re projecting onto a person that they have the ability to make you happy, some people are gonna hate that and some people are gonna love it. If you take that projection out of the equation, then you’re going to have a completely different relationship with that person. The change only by noticing will be subtle at first, but the changes will compound; but you have to be extremely vigilant when noticing. You have to  have the mindset that your true happiness, which can only be found inside, and if your highest priority  is to find true happiness, and you’re willing to notice where you project that happiness out into the world on people, places, things, objects, ideas, then that completely reorients you to the world. And then when things come,  you can enjoy them. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying them. If you get a new job and it pays more, then you have a little more money to save or spend–but you’re not telling yourself the story that eventually leads to suffering,, which goes something like: Oh, thank God! I’m so much happier than I was before because  I have more money in the bank now. Instead, you have created a space so you might be able to see where your happiness comes from. Because again,  and this is what all the great saints say, happiness is your  intrinsic nature. It’s your true nature.  It’s your natural state to be happy. So if you don’t feel happy, you’re veiling that happiness. 

Please understand that in this way, when we’re projecting happiness onto objects, that’s the literal veil we put between us and happiness- there is no distance until we do this.  It’s in that very moment that you project your happiness onto the thing that you lose touch with where the happiness is. And  we will make this mistake  over and over and over again. And it’s okay. You just have to notice that you’re doing it. Because the brilliant thing about the human condition is that you really don’t want to suffer. And the reason most people suffer with this is because they don’t know. And by knowing this and paying attention, it will change your orientation to the world. You’ll very naturally stop seeking happiness in things once you see that there is no happiness in any thing.

Freeing Joy From Its Prison: Ending the External Search

Projecting your happiness onto objects and then thinking that happiness comes from them is literally putting your your happiness into a prison cell because it’s putting happiness where it is not and where it can never be. So when we do that,  we’re actually guaranteeing that we make ourselves miserable. Because the happiness is never out there. We put it there and create a distance and then try to get it, which just sends the mind outside. We took it out from where it naturally is and put it out there in a place that it can never actually be, and then we wonder why we’re slaves and prisoners to things. 

Humans can get so detailed about how a thing will make us happy. And we get obsessed with it.  And that’s the prison for our happiness because it’s very conditional happiness. And I’m much more interested for myself and helping other people find unconditional happiness. And sure, you may experience disappointments, and these can be quite natural, but the disappointments are the same as desire but in reverse because you decided that the happiness would come from the thing and then the thing doesn’t come and you feel really disappointed.

Practice Awareness, Reclaim Joy

Just notice when this happens because if you weren’t projecting your happiness out, there might still be some disappointment but it wouldn’t be heavy. Instead of disappointment you might just think, “I thought that would have worked but it didn’t.” And if you just step back  and  see what you were doing, then the disappointment becomes just an “ok” and you move on very quickly.