Today, I’ll be addressing a question that came in through the website:
“I had a very profound experience a couple of years ago. Now I compare my current state, whatever that may be, to that experience of bliss. I keep trying to get back, but nothing works. Can you offer any guidance?”
Many versions of this question are common in the quest for enlightenment. When people first encounter Zen, non-duality, or other wisdom teachings, the teaching can trigger what we might call a “honeymoon period” of relief. This is because the realization that suffering is unnecessary often releases a significant amount of stress. This typically occurs in the early stages, but can continue on for years without guidance.
After some time, many individuals have what they refer to as spiritual experiences, spiritual awakenings, or insights. The side effects of these insights can often include feelings of bliss, peace, or a sense of accepting “what is.” However, people frequently report that these feelings don’t last, and they find themselves returning to old habits and patterns. The problem is this: people assume these states are somehow closer to enlightenment, and the lack of such states are farther away. But this is simply not true.
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The Trap of Comparison: Chasing Past Experiences
Returning to the question about a profound experience from a couple of years ago, this highlights the same trap people were caught in even before they discovered spirituality. If you observe most people in the world, you’ll see them remembering the good, chasing the good, claiming the good, and pushing away the bad. At that point, it’s often very unconscious; people don’t realize they can simply stop and accept “what is.”
People then find spirituality, have some insight or experience, and the same pattern emerges. They try to keep the “good”—all the bliss, all the happiness, all the peace—and push away anything that isn’t that. It’s the exact same pattern, but people spiritualize it, believing that because something “good” happened, “that’s it.” “This is where I need to be. This is the experience. This is what enlightenment is.“
Anytime you catch yourself saying, “This happened a couple of years ago, and I want it back,” it should be like a bell ringing that brings you back to the present moment. Because it’s all now, and this is true in spiritual life as well. How easily we forget to keep applying the lesson!
The Illusion of Comparison
Consider your statement, “I compare my current state, whatever that may be, to that experience.” Anytime you’re taking what’s current and comparing it to what’s past, you’re going to create suffering, especially if what’s current is being resisted. So, right now, is there anything truly “wrong” with your current state? What is it that you are resisting? Without going to the past, or hoping for the future, is there anything wrong right now? This is no different than looking for lasting happiness out in the world, where it is not. Real happiness, peace, and serenity are also not found in the past. Did the Buddha reach enlightenment sitting under the bodhi tree looking to reclaim some past state?
Beyond States: Discovering the Unmoving Witness
If you look past your current state, past any state or experience, you’ll find that the awareness of every state doesn’t change. It’s unmoving. The state is something you observe. So, who observes the state, whether it’s a state of bliss, anxiety, lack, or peace? Who observes these states coming and going? Many traditions call this observer the “witness” or “pure awareness,” and that’s all fine.
The next question then is: Can that “one” be observed? This isn’t a question meant to elicit a quick answer; it’s something to spend time with. From here, you may begin to sense a presence. I’ve referred to this before as the “knowing that I exist”—simply this presence. This presence is also unaffected by any state. States come and go within this presence. But can even this presence be observed? Can we even call this “one” a witness? These questions are meant to be contemplated, not answered.
The Futility of Recreation and the Illusion of Techniques
You say you keep trying to get back, but nothing works. To that, I can only say, “Of course!” You can never recreate the past exactly… and why would you want to? Of course, it’s pleasant to experience positive states, and these states and experiences are often very profound.
But did you actually do anything to make that state appear? Or did it just arise? Anytime you try to recreate a state, it simply won’t work. This is actually where many spiritual techniques originate. Someone has an insight, they reflect on it, and they say, “Okay, this is what I was doing. I was sitting on a cushion, my legs were crossed like this, my spine was like this, my breath was like this, and boom!” Then they create a teaching from it, instructing people to sit and follow a “perfect technique” for enlightenment.
Embrace the Now: The True Nature of Being
That, too, is simply an attempt to go back in time. It may reproduce some states, but that’s not who you are. The state is not who you are. Every state will come and go. And if you focus on techniques to induce a state, that state will also come and go.
What is your stateless state, without any state? Who are you? You are that which is aware of states coming and going. Don’t chase the past. Don’t chase past relationships, past experiences, past emotions, or past spiritual awakenings. Chasing these past events isn’t going to produce what you’re truly looking for. Chasing enlightenment itself won’t help you either. Who you are will never be found in the past. It’s far too close to be found anywhere but now.
Watch Why Chasing Past Happiness Can RUIN Present Moment Joy on YouTube
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